Introverts and dreamers: a response to Carl King's blog post about introverts, and a similar discription of dreamers

                Adam Young recently shared on his blog a post by Carl King, about the ten myths of introverts, taken from the book The Introvert Advantage by Marti Laney.  I think it was quite an excellent post, and I would like to share a few of the points he made that I find to be particularly relevant.  I would also like to give a similar review of a book called Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer? by Dana Spears and Ron Braund.  This second book is to me what The Introvert Advantage is to Carl King when he says “I feel like someone has written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only has it explained many of my eccentricities, it helps me to redefine my entire life in a new and positive context” (see King’s blog post at http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts).  Some of the descriptions Carl King gives in his blog post about introverts seem to overlap with the descriptions of the dreamer personality type in this book, and I think a distinction needs to be made.

First of all, I think all of the points Carl King makes are relevant and interesting, and I highly recommend you click the link above and read all ten of them.  However, the ones that are the most relevant to me are as follows:

1.     Introverts only talk when they have something to say.  This is very descriptive of me. 
2. Introversion and shyness are two different things.  It is a common misconception to think of the two as the same, but where introversion is a constant fact of my nature, I am only shy in very specific situations (ex. In front of crowds and around good-looking guys).
3.  Introverts don’t dislike people.  I LOVE people, but like most introverts, I can’t handle everyone, all at once, all the time.  Crowds wear me out. 

These are three points that stood out to me the most as an introvert.  There are, however, some things that stood out to me as a dreamer, because King seems to lump dreamers and introverts into one category, whereas I think a distinction is important.  Before I continue, though, I need to give some kind of definition of the term dreamer.  This is difficult, if not impossible, because dreamers, by nature, defy definition.  But to give you a general idea, I’ll give you a quote found on page 6 of Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer: “Dreamers are the most imaginative, sensitive, and idealistic of all children. They can be described as compassionate, moody, original, and stubborn.”  While some of those traits may have been more visible in me as a young child, I think I am still very much a dreamer at heart.

There are a few descriptions, however, that King gives of introverts that seem to be descriptions of the dreamer personality type… not that the two don’t overlap: much like shyness and introversion, they often occur together, but are two distinct traits.  First of all, King states:

“Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.”

Yes, this is sometimes true, but not always.  I have met many introverts who, because of their introversion and possibly concurring shyness, try very hard to blend in and not be noticed.  They prefer to be a shadow, or a flower on the wallpaper.  Not a dreamer.  Even an introverted dreamer like me will occasionally do something unexpected, like wear a funky hat or take up the ukulele.  We can’t stand blending in.  On the flipside, I have met extroverted dreamers.  While extroverts are typically the people who understand the rules of social interaction so much better than we introverts, extroverted dreamers still like to break them from time to time and bring out that funky hat.

King also states: “Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions.” Yes, introverts do most of their processing of external events internally, such as making decisions and thinking before they speak, as opposed to my beloved extroverted younger sister, who has to process everything out loud and verbally, thereby chattering half the day.  But introverts are not the only introspective people.  Dreamers are full of a specific type of introspection, according to Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer: “Dreamers think about truth and beauty when their peers are thinking about bats and balls” (pg. 57).  While introverts are the type of people who are expected to come up with deep and thought-provoking phrases when they do speak, I have heard some very introspective and surprising things from the mouths of extroverted dreamers.

  That being said, I would like to share a few of the points found in the book Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer that I find most interesting and descriptive of my personality.

1. Dreamers are idealistic.  We tend to see the world as it ought to be, rather than as it is.  Think of Don Quixote.  Ok, he was a little bit crazy fighting windmills and thinking he was a knight, but a dreamer will go out into the world with the idea of a knight on the inside, hunting for figurative giants to fight and figurative fair maidens to defend.
2. Dreamers can visualize all possible outcomes.  That’s why a dreamer may give up before they even start; because they can see all the ways a situation could go wrong.  Also, a dreamer may visualize an ideal into a particular person or situation, and become disappointed or even despair when confronted with reality.  “Dreamers weave colorful tapestries of what the world could be” (pg. 26).
3. Dreamers are sensitive.  A dreamer will read into every word or facial expression, and a dreamer is the kid who comes home from school sobbing, saying “my teacher HATES me” after being corrected for a simple mistake.  Even as an introvert who tends to hide her emotions, I am still very sensitive, and I work very hard not to read meaning into every little thing.
4. Dreamers are principle driven rather than rule driven.  In the book, a dreamer is described as a bird, whereas the dreamer’s polar opposite, the driver, is described as a charging bull.  A driver sets a goal and goes for it, and would run right into harm’s way if it weren’t for the fence (the rules).  For a driver, rules provide protection as well as guidance.  A bird, however, can get caught in a fence and hurt.  A dreamer needs to understand the principles behind a rule in order not to get snared, and needs to be able to make his/her own decisions based on principle rather than always being caged in by lots of rules.
5. Dreamers are imaginative.  Dreamer children see nothing wrong with coloring the sky green and the grass blue.  Dreamers also tend to tell tall tales, not to deceive, but just for the sake of telling a story, such as playing with invisible faeries and unicorns in the backyard (like I did all through childhood) or giving imaginary lives to favorite toys (I’m just sure the person who came up with the idea for the Toy Story movies was a dreamer).
6. Dreamers tend to link their moods to those of others.  Dreamers cannot always separate themselves from other people’s problems, and sometimes blame themselves when someone is upset even if they don’t know the cause.  Also, dreamers are particularly prone to grieving, whether it’s for someone they know, a pet, a fictional character, or even someone who died before they were born.
7. Dreamers tend to learn things better the hard way.
8. Dreamers have a natural desire to learn, although actual success in school depends on the individual.  We also prefer individualized instruction to make learning personal.  This is why homeschooling was great for me.
9. Dreamers need to be liked, and greatly fear embarrassment. “On a scale of one to ten for fear of embarrassment with ten being the most fearful, dreamers are a twelve” (pg. 214).

Well, I was going to try to come up with ten points I found interesting to match Carl King’s article, but I only came up with nine.  Oh well, I hope you enjoyed it, and learned something about me, and maybe something about yourself.  I highly recommend the book if you would like to learn more about dreamers.  And for the other dreamers out there, I will close with a poem:

I WAS BORN A DREAMER by David C. Page

It was a secret, of course, even to me.
To my parents, I was "frustrating".
To my teachers, I was "not working up to potential".
To my peers, I was "a loner".
To me I was an alien.

It has been a me and them world.
They did it their way, I did it mine.

They watched the surface of things.
I looked into them.

I saw relationships between things.
They saw things.

They learned to use equations and formulas.
I estimated answers.

They played baseball.
I sat in tree tops.

They rode their bicycles someplace.
I just rode my bicycle.

They slept at night.
I swam in darkness.

They lived according to rules.
I found order in chaos.

They lived today.
I lived yesterday, today and tomorrow.

They needed a reason to do anything.
I cried over nothing at all.

They survived on facts.
I survived their facts.

They know because they have learned.
I know because I know.

I was born a dreamer,
when pulled from the womb,
the drum beat I heard was set to rhythm by poets
and artists who had preceded me.
I found their parental guidance on gallery
walls and in music.
I was born a dreamer, I will die a dreamer,
and in between,
I will have seen a glimpse of eternity.